They took them both away. I made sure that Desiree was put into a mental wing. Somewhere were they’d look after her. She’d been my best friend for so long. I don’t know, but I couldn’t deal with the thought that she would be treated badly. Garrett was charged as an accessory.  It was sad seeing him walking into a prison. I just hoped that he knew how to fight back.

I talked to Roy, and apologised for the hell we’d put him through. I asked why on Earth he’d bought a wig. Turns out he wanted to win me back by impersonating Garrett. Silly boy thought that would win my heart. But as I’d told Garrett after his confession, Roy and I were finished. I would never be able to trust him, or be with him. I think both of them knew that deep down. So warring over me eventually caused both of their demises.

I walked into my house after Garrett’s court hearing and threw myself on the couch. Within minutes Evan walked in and kissed my cheek.

“You know the truth now Rosie. How does it feel?” He asked me before he sat down and wrapped me in his arms.

“I feel so responsible. She killed them to get back at me. Evan. I may as well have killed those girls myself.” I cried on his shoulder.

We sat like that for three hours, then he stood up, took my hand and said that’s it, I’m taking you out. Put on a nice dress quickly. I did as I was told and met him downstairs half an hour later looking ready to hit the town. And wearing my favourite red under ware. I never failed to get lucky in those.

Nothing could have prepared me for what happened. He took me to the wharf. We stood at the tip of the jetty and let the wind whistle past us.

“You know what Rosamund? I think I love you. And no matter what you think you did to those girls you’re wrong. Your hands,” he lifted my hands and wrapped them in his own “are clean”

I turned around to kiss his lips for the first time when the shot hit him. Instead of a magical first kiss I copped a face full blood. Romantic.

“So, Desiree, how is the relationship holding up? You know between you and Garrett?” I asked with a nasty smile. She had no idea what she was about to get hit with.

“It’s fine. Actually, it’s fantastic. The sex? Better then I’ve ever had, he told me I was his best too… if you know what I mean. Did you really have me arrested so we could talk about your ex? Because that seems a little drastic even for a drama queen like you Rosamund.” Desiree said, playing down the nervousness I could see in her eyes. Her little tough girl act wasn’t going to last long.

“That’s really quite funny Des. Because after I had a few words with your amazing boyfriend he seemed to be less then the perfect partner. Want to here what he had to say?” I asked and pulled out the tape recording of Garrett’s interview. “I’ve got it right here, why don’t I just play it for you?”

I walked over to the tape player and set it up. Within seconds Garrett’s voice cut through the air. Desiree looked at me, furious that I would be doing this to her. We listened as I asked Garrett exactly how it had happened.

“Desiree came to me one night in tears. This guy had been hitting on her. That wasn’t the problem; the problem was all he wanted to do was talk about you Rosamund. He was obsessed with you, and he wanted you back. Turned out to be Roy Orbat. He confronted me the next morning while I was out walking with Des, trying to make her happy again. I decided I wasn’t going to take it. He was insulting all three of us. So I knew I’d have to frame him. We go back a long time me and Des. I mean we’d always been close, but Rosie, you got to understand I didn’t mean for what happened between us to happen. It just did. I knew that it was wrong. That I was hurting the only person I truly loved, but I couldn’t stop. She and I… we… it was just physical. It still is just physical.

“But that’s not it.  I knew how you felt about Roy. I knew how close you used to be, so I just did what I had to do. It was me who knew the girls. It was me who lure them into the places that they would die. It was wood from my mum’s tree that killed them. But I didn’t rough them up. I swear to god that I never touched them. Not at all. Not one hair on their heads. I just let Desiree have them after that. And I know that it was wrong and I know that I deserve all I get, but I just. I was sad, and lonely and insecure about our relationship Rosie. I just did what I thought would help.”

I turned the tape off and looked at Desiree. Her face was livid. Her cheeks were turning red and patchy in places. She was struggling to breathe.

“Nothing but physical. I’ll show him” She yelled. With that she leapt up from her chair and ran at me. She wrestled me to the ground where I started kicking her. We were engaged in full on combat until Detective Peeanie pulled her off me.

I had what I needed. I had a pie box, recovered from the scene of Haley’s murder. I never thought it was an important piece of evidence, but I sent it off for fingerprinting any way. The fingerprints belonged to Garrett. I hadn’t thought that as out of place until now. I looked for blood on the box with my special blood detecting light and chemically enhanced squeezy bottle. There was blood everywhere. It was over the top of the fingerprints. Implying that the fingerprint was there first. Meaning I had them. Irrefutable evidence proving that they were connected to Haley’s murder. And a quick scan of my earlier evidence. Found 4 more pie boxes. 2 with Garrett’s fingerprints and one, the one from Becky’s murder with Desiree’s fingerprints.

I had them both arrested. They screamed black and blue that I was targeting them for no reason, and I simply smiled and got an impartial detective to assist in my questioning. We separated them and I decided to talk to Garrett first. After all, it seemed like he’d been the one that had beaten the broads up.

“So. Thought I wouldn’t figure this out hey Garrett? Thought it would be discovered? You underestimate my will power and stubbornness I see.” I shook my head. “this is Detective Peeanie. He’ll be helping me to question you. I give you 20 seconds to guess whose playing bad cop” with that I sat in front of him and smiled sweetly. His lawyer scowled at me. Which simply made me smile more.

“look I don’t know what you think you’re doing but this is harassment and I could have you discharged for this” His lawyer said. I smiled even more at the thought.

“Oh believe me Doris, when you hear what this bastard did, you won’t want to fight so hard for him.” I sighed and made myself comfortable. “Mr. Peeanie will you please bring in those documents?”

Mr. Peeanie bought in my case files. I threw out a photo of each of the murdered girls from before they were murdered. One at a time in the order he’d killed them. The look on his face remained impassive. So I threw out the post mortem photos in the same manner. He looked down at them and shook his head.

“Rosamund I don’t know what you think you’re doing but you cant use your shock tactics with me. I saw these people dead in rael life. Why would a photo upset me?” Garrett reasoned. H was right I was just going to have to hit him with the facts.

“You’re right. I was silly to try and mind fuck you. But I’ll make it up to you. Right no. here’s what I got. I know what you did; I know how you did it. What I don’t know is why. I’ll give you what I know and then you’ll share. Or I’ll make sure you rot in jail where the big boys will make you there  bitch before you rot in hell where the big boys will make you there bitch. Let’s face it, no one likes a crooked cop.” I smiled at him. The sweetest, most compelling smile I could muster. Then I launched into the evidence.

“You choose victims carefully. Certain names, certain stereotypes, certain connections. You made sure to implicate as many people on the team as you could so as not to draw attention to yourself. Or to your bitch of a co conspirator.” At that Garrett started to speak, his lawyer stopped him. “You used Desiree’s ‘sex appeal’ to obtain sperm from Justice Ramjet and freeze it while mixing with the sour cream you bought from the shop near her house. You didn’t know I had connections there did you? You didn’t know that I had a video tape of the pair of you buying sour cream did you? Well I do.

“You used a vibrator with a condom coated in your disgusting sour cream/ Justice Mix to rape 5 girls. You tied them up, and beat them with a plank of wood, whilst wearing gloves, of course, then you killed them. Now how did you expect me not to figure that shit out? HUH!?”

I pulled Justice in for questioning.

“You screwed Desiree didn’t you?” I asked barely stopping to breathe “You and her. You’ve been together am I right?”

Justice gave me a slimy smile and said “yes” and then looked at me like he thought I wanted a turn. I walked out of the room, repulsed at the thought of anyone voluntarily having sex with Justice. Let alone to do it for someone else. EW. Man those guys must really resent me. For her to.. with him.. I mean… EW. Just ew.

I got into my office and started on a new whiteboard. What evidence did I have that linked Garrett and Desiree to the murders.

·          the victims knew Garrett. They also knew me so that wasn’t really the best piece of evidence.

·          the wood used to make the batons that killed all 5 girls came from Garrett’s mum’s tree

·          Garrett had pruned the tree for his mum the month before the killings started.

·          the only sour cream that had been sold in the time period had been to a jacket wearer and Desiree

That’s all I had. Hardly damning evidence really. So I looked back over all my scene files. Looking for a slip up. Some small mistake that they made that I could nail them for. Half an hour later I found exactly what I needed.

There was a strange crumb like substance around the bodies. I hadn’t noticed it when I was at the scene, but it showed up very clearly in the pictures. I needed to get it analysed. So I did. The results were going to take 4 hours. So I sat down with my white board and looked over all my links.

Garrett had conveniently been sick on the day we interviewed those girls. Trying to avoid being identified? Damn straight the slimy dope was. But he had a note from his mummy telling me he was very ill. The note also said that I should rot in hell for breaking her darling little boys hearts. So Mrs. Denison knew about the break up hey? Well I never liked her that much anyway. And I could have her sent down as an accessory. No. that was crazy. And cruel. She was just looking out for her baby boy. I needed to stop being so vengeful. It would definitely compromise this case.

I was reading through the notes this morning when I understood what Evan had been talking about. All of those girls had more in common then just me. They’d all gone to primary school with Garrett. It had been his joke with them that together they made one hell of a bitch. So Garrett had another link to them. But surely they’d have known it was him if they’d known him for so long. But his red hair was rather blinding.

The only thing I could think of was that if Roy didn’t know them that it had to have been Garrett. But Garrett would hurt anyone. Well except for me, but he never physically hurt me unless I told him too. Which I did on more then one occasion. But that was besides the point. I mean generally he was a gentle person. He could never hurt anyone like that. Could he? Still... I thought he’d never cheat on me, ever, so it wouldn’t be too hard for me to have judged him wrong. But why frame Roy? They had no connection to each other but me, and it seemed quite obvious that I wasn’t important enough to Garrett to kill for. So why had he done it? And what evidence did I have to prove that it was him. And what role did Desiree play in this? She had to have played a role.

I did the only thing I could think of. I called Evan. I talked though what I had uncovered and I could almost hear him breathe a sigh of relief.

“Thank god you got there Rosie, I was afraid you’d never figure it out, you were too blinded by your love. So now you know that he’s a cold blooded killer how can you prove it?” Evan asked, his relief seeping through the phone lines.

“I don’t know Evan. I mean I’ve gone through all of the evidence, but so have Desiree and Garrett. I’m convinced that they were both involved. But I can’t think of a shred of evidence that points towards them. Except that they were seen on a camera buying sour cream… mid way through that thought I had another, slightly less appealing thought, which contained Justice drooling over Desiree when she interviewed him. And the knowing wink that Justice had given Garrett whilst staring at her bum.

“OH MY LLAMA. Evan I know how they got Justice’s sperm.”

Garrett’s report was on my desk when I got in this morning he’d followed up on Becky and Imogene. I’d profiled Haley myself, which left Desiree to do Tegan and Carlie. Desiree’s reports were nowhere to be seen. Oh wow, what a surprise, she’d been to busy doing other things to get the work that she needed to do done. I decided to pay her a friendly little visit.

I walked into her office to find her sitting at her desk, looking as though she’d been expecting me. On her desk were two vanilla folders with the names Tegan and Carlie neatly printed on them. She was wearing this funny sort of smile, not quite smug, but definitely tormenting.     

“Are those for me Desiree?” I asked, definitely not liking the smug look on her face.  “Because I thought I made it quite clear I needed those by the end of the day YESTERDAY…” all I got in response was a smug smile.

“What difference would it have made? I know for a fact you were too busy to work last night.” Again the smug smile and she moved in her seat to find a more comfortable position. “So was it on like Donkey Kong for Evan and Rosie?” Desiree asked nastily.

“You stupid, manipulative bitch” I whispered as I picked up the files and started to walk away. I was almost at her door when she grabbed me from behind.

“Look I don’t know what you think you’re doing, or who you think you are, but stop it. Stop listening to that crazy nut case, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. If you continue this way I’m going to be forced to do something I don’t want to do” Desiree whispered dangerously. Then she let me go and walked back to her desk as casually as though she’d just given me a hug. I gritted my teeth and walked to the door. At that moment Garrett walked in.

“Hey Garrett do you know what your psychotic bitch of a girlfriend just did to me? She just threatened me. Yeah, said that if I didn’t stop listening to some crazy crack pot she was going to have to “do something she didn’t want to do” that’s a direct threat. Made to a higher ranking officer. I could have her suspended and eventually sacked for that. So if you want her to stick around, you might want to let her know that I’m not joking when I say she’ll regret that” I said through clenched teeth, and then I walked away to my office, to read up on my girls.

I walked into my house this evening to be greeted by the smell of cooking meat. It smelt delicious. I walked into the kitchen expecting my mum had come for a surprise visit to check I was eating properly, (which normally happened one or twice a month). I was shocked to find Evan in my kitchen, wearing a frilly pink apron.

“Um… what the hell is going on?” I asked as politely as I could.

“You’ve had a bad day, but you’re closer to the answer, you need to eat up, strength will be of the essence over the next few days” Evan whispered urgently. “Go, shower, change, put your feet up, we have much to talk about”

I did as I was told and showered, put my most comfortable (and daggy) pants on and walked down the stairs to be greeted by a beautiful candle light meal. Evan had gone to a lot of trouble, but I still wasn’t sure how he’d gotten into my house. That was a little scary. We ate our soup in contemplative silence, and then talked up a storm over our Veal Stroganoff. It was so perfect. We talked about so many things. About music, about dancing, about Llamaism. He really understood me. When the meal was done he produced a lemon meringue pie and we ate it together. It was the first pie I’d eaten since the 22^nd of December.

“So, I know that you interviewed friends yesterday, what did you get from them?” Evan asked as he took my hand and led me to the couch. We sat down and I contemplated how much to tell him. I don’t know why, but I really trusted this complete stranger more then anyone I’d ever met. I decided to tell him everything and let him help me out. I plunged into the story of what had happened yesterday and what that meant to my investigation.

“And I just don’t understand why Roy would try so hard to incriminate Garrett. He gave everyone his own name, and used his own sour cream, but tried to throw them off by buying a red wig. What is he playing at?” I concluded, looking at Evan for the answer I was sure he could give me.

Evan thought for a moment and then moved closer to me and wrapped me in his big, strong arms and said

“Rosie did you ever consider that it wasn’t Roy?”

“Well I mean I…” I stuttered before realising that I never had “He just fit… you know? It made so much sense for it to be him. I never really considered anyone else… why? How else could it be?” I asked, starting to panic.

“Rosie, calm down, please don’t thump me again” Evan said with a laugh. I curled up into his arms and just thought for a minute.

“Evan if it’s not Roy then who could it be? There is a grand total of two red headed males in Darwin, and Garrett’s one of them. The other guy, Bastian is in Queensland at the moment for UNI. I just. Who would do this if not Roy?” I sighed, completely baffled by this new concept. It couldn’t be true. Could it?

I called a meeting of my staff. Garrett and Desiree sat at my desk, looking very uncomfortable. It didn’t stop them from holding hands under the table, but hey, what did I care? It’s not like either of them had ever meant anything to me. I held my head up high and started drawing links on my victims white board.

“I’m going to do this shorthand style ok?” I asked, not really caring what the answer was.

“Becky will become B, Imogene will become I, Carlie will become C, Tegan will become T and Haley will become H. They each accused someone. These people will be represented by the first letter of their names also. So we have:”

With this I turned back to the board and started drawing up a chart.

So, B accused S, I accused U, T accused K, C accused I, and H accused T

“HOLY CRAP!” Desiree cried. “Look at that pattern”

“What pattern” I asked, a little thrown off by her sudden interruption. I looked back at the whiteboard and I saw it. I had written each name one after the other like so;

                        B accused S,

 I accused U,

T accused K,

C accused I,

H accused T

These girls weren’t picked at random. Their names spelt BITCH. And the accused murders… their names spelt SUKIT. Sukit bitch. Wow… I think he was trying to tell me something. I was amazed we hadn’t thought of that pattern before.

The three of us sat in silence for a moment, each lost in our own thoughts. If this jackass was trying to scare me, it wasn’t working. I turned around to Garrett and Desiree.

“If this bastard thinks he can scare me he’s wrong. He has definitely chosen the wrong bitch to tell to suck it.” I was practically steaming. This guy was going down.

I got all of Carlie’s friends in and separated them. Then Desiree and I showed them a collection of photos. One of the photos was Justice, another was Roy, and the rest were just the usual suspects. I would normally have made Garrett do this stuff, but he pulled a sickie… so I did it myself. None of the girls recognized anyone.

That was weird. Because they’d all been having sex with him for a month... you’d think they’d know what he looked like… when I asked them to describe him to a sketch artists I got 6 different people who looking nothing alike except for one thing. He had red hair. All of the girls made a mention of that.

After that little fiasco I got all of the other girl’s friends in and put them in with a sketch artist. No one seemed to remember exactly what he looked like, they’d all just been entranced by the red hair.

But Roy’s hair was chestnut brown. How’d he get them all to be convinced it was red… unless he had a wig? He and I had this joke when we were together that anyone with red hair could get away with anything because you were so blinded by the beauty of their hair. I had a feeling that joke had just come back to bite me in the arse.

This was just another way that Roy had sought to include my team. Garrett’s hair was flaming red. I’d always thought it suited him so perfectly. His red hair and brown, almost golden eyes. They offset his pale, freckly skin and made me wish he had an Irish accent. He looked like he should have had an English accent.

Well my idea just died in the arse. The only thing that all of my girls agreed on was that he had red hair, and how easy was that to fake? I sighed and then started looking up all of the wig places in Darwin. I was relieved to hear that there were only 2. One in Casurina, and one in town. I went to the one in town first because it was closest to where I was. They hadn’t sold any red wigs to men in 12 months.

Garrett called me into his office this morning to listen to his findings from the wood. I walked in and sat down opposite his fantastic wood reading machine. But as I sat down I became aware that Garrett was hovering near the door. He closed it then walked over and stood over me.

“So… I heard on the grapevine that you went out to lunch with someone yesterday” he asked nervously

“As a mater of fact yes, yes I did. And that someone was a member of my church. He was helping me work through some personal tuff. Not that it has anything to do with you.” I snapped, ticked off that he thought he could talk to me like this. As if he was still part of my life in any other way then the strictly business kind.

“Yeah? Well it didn’t sound like you guys were just being friendly. Des said you guys were kissing and holding hands and…” he started, he never finished that sentence.

“WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TALK TO ME ABOUT THAT? What is Desiree stalking me now? Are you guys checking up on me? Fuck you. You are no longer a part of my life and what I do with other guys is my own choice. And just so you know” I said, dropping my voice to a dangerous whisper “I spent all yesterday wading through the bullshit that surrounds me now, because of you. Yes that’s right, remember how for some reason I cared about you 5 months ago? Do you remember those days? Well I’m still dealing with those. So, just get on with it.”

After I took a deep breath and calmed down about a million percent I continued.

“So, Garrett, you had something you wanted to show me?”

He sheepishly turned his computer on and showed me his findings n my wooden baton. The named being screamed out from the baton was even more unlikely then the last 4. Todd was the most laid back guy I’d ever met. And he’d been in love with Haley. So that was a useless angle. Damn. I needed to try something new.

As I walked out of Garrett’s office I had a sudden brain wave… I needed to get all of the deceased girl’s friends in here.

Evan took me out to lunch today. We sat down at this beautiful little restaurant in the middle of no where. He’d ordered steak Diane and I ordered chicken Kiev.  As we waited for our meals he took my hands and looked into my eyes.

“Rosamund I know that you’ve been hurt before. I know that your previous relationships have really back fired on you, but I need you to trust me” as he said this leaned in closer to me and as he said the last word he gently kissed my cheek.

At this point the meals arrived. This was good because I was bright pink and fighting the urge to stand up and leave the table, never to return. The only thing that kept me there was that I was damn hungry.

“You look a little on edge Rosie… would you like a glass of wine to help calm you down?” Evan asked, being super polite and backing right off. he’d obviously  seen how uncomfortable that kiss had made me.

“The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy… that’s what my mum always used to say. But you know what? She was an alcoholic and she only had 14 kids, so what would she know?” I said and smiled, graciously accepting the glass of very expensive white wine.

We ate in silence at first, and then Evan turned his beautiful smile at me. I could feel an explanation coming on, and before I could stop him he started.

“Rosie. I know what happened with Garrett and Desiree. And I know that you still love him. I’ve seen in it in your eyes when you look at him” he said

“You’ve never seen us together Evan…” I said, a little perturbed

“but I have. Because right now, you’re thinking of him sitting next to you” he said with a kind smile. “Don’t look so confused, I can tell you are, why else would you have jumped so high when I kissed you”

I blushed and stammered something about it being hot in here.

“There’s no need to be embarrassed. But I’m telling you he’s bad news. I need you to take an impartial look at him; it’ll help you solve a lot of problems. When you’ve done that Rosie, then you will truly help those girls” Evan said and then hailed the waiter to order desert. We both ordered and sat in silence for a little longer.

“How do you know about my girls Evan? Do you… you know... speak to them?” I asked, a little nervous about his answer.

“I do. And they’ve told me what happened. But I can’t tell you yet. You need to be ready to except it. And we both know you need to be able to prove it.” Evan smiled at me again. “But enough about work, so how’s your Spork worshiping going?”

I found that baton. It was lying in the nearest bin. To me that was WAY to convenient. I mean what sort of manic murdering master mind left the murder weapon in plain site. Either he was getting lazy or complacent or I was overestimating his ability. I liked the second option. There was no doubt that that was my murder weapon the caked blood and skull was pretty much the icing on the cake. I bagged it and sent it off for analysis at the lab.

I took one look at the railings around the jetty and sighed. Oh yeah, fingerprinting that stuff would totally work. I shook my head. Then I looked around at the rest of the jetty. It struck me as odd how much blood was around. None of the other murders had been this bloody. Nor had the blood been spread so far around. God this girl must have been a fighter. By the looks of things he’d hit her and she run around bleeding all over the jetty before finally falling to the ground where she still was.

I hurried to her side, pulling my gloves on. I lifted her hand and checked her fingernails. YES! Tissue. Thank god one of these girls had been a fighter. If that tissue was usable we had him. Oh yes. Roy was going down for these. I had 5 murders all with identical MO and now. Now it looked like I had irrefutable evidence. Thank god. I was really starting to feel the burn.

Far out. These girls really need to stop dying. I mean they probably think that too, but seriously, my department is looking very bad at the moment. The latest ones name is Haley and they found her body sprawled out on the beach up the road from my house. Why the hell Haley had been anywhere near a beach was anyone’s guess. She made me look positively tanned. Her skin was almost translucent. And that was when she was living. I often contemplated the theory of her being the undead, but I dismissed it as just me being silly. It seemed I was being silly, because now she was dead.

She was lying on the jetty, body spread eagled, with her clear blue eyes open just enough to unsettle. Her mouth was gaping and seemed to be ripped a little around the edges. Her arms were badly bruised and cut up, and her legs, which were sprawled at odd angles, were battered and bruised. Pieces of her hair were scattered all over the jetty, and there was blood everywhere. The main splatter was against the life buoy. It seemed she had been beaten against the buoy and then crawled to the middle of the jetty before she died.

I looked around the area to see if I could find the baton I was positive was around. The wind was chilly and blew my hair around my face. I drew my arms around myself and walked towards the shore. I looked across and to my surprise saw nothing but houses. She died in plain view. I mean the entire world could have seen where she was killed. And no one had come forward. That was startling new development. He was obviously finding the danger a turn on. Man I could see my own house, and I hadn’t heard a thing last night. How did he stop her from crying out? How did he do all of this? Why was he targeting the people around me, Haley was a school acquaintance. We’d never really gotten along; in fact she’d pissed me off so badly that I almost didn’t go to my own formal, for having to deal with her. I went and had a ball. She stayed home and cried. I think…

I walked into the church and found it empty. I walked straight up to the altar, dunked Mitza in Dr Pepper and then knelt holding her above my head.

“Holy Llama who art in heaven, save us from our sins, and forgive those who sin against you. Give me the strength to beat the crap out of non- believers. Help to guide us in our daily thoughts and make it clear to those who do not believe that to follow the Spork is the only way to go. Fleghplurh” I chanted, the last word being in the Spork bible as the equivalent to Amen. Its more of a sound then a word, made by pushing air into you cheeks and pushing your tongue between your teeth then quickly dispelling the air in on quick, smooth motion.

I prayed silently for a minute for the souls of the dead girls I was investigating, then I prayed for Garrett’s forgiveness and for his soul, I prayed for Desiree’s swift demise and I also prayed for Roy to slip up somewhere. What would I give to get him to clumsy or lazy to slip up? That’d be the best thing I could imagine. And I knew that through the power of prayer I would have my wish come true.

As I rose to walk away I ran into a tall blonde boy. He wrapped me in his arms and whispered into my ear

“You’re doing the right things; just listen to your heart, the girls want you to know you’re closer to the perps then you think”

I pulled away from the crack pot and as a reflex I kneed him in the groin. Hey I was trained in ninja pirate karate, and I just did what I was trained to do. By the way that was the most intense two week vet course I’ve ever done, I came out a black belt in arse whooping style.

“Who the hell are you blonde boy, and what do you know about my investigation?” I demanded of my assailant, who was kneeling on the ground holding his groin tenderly.

“You’re a crazy bitch Rosie… It’s Evan. Holy llama, remind me never to surprise you again” he spluttered.

“Oh my Llama, Evan, I was just about to go looking for you. I’m SO sorry. I’ve just never seen you without a knight costume on. So this is the first time I’ve seen your very symmetrical face…” I spluttered turning very red.

“It’s ok, you can make it up to me... let’s do lunch” Evan said, as he slyly slipped his arm over my shoulder and steered me towards the exit. It was on for young and old.

I pulled Shari in for questioning this afternoon. Because I really had this feeling in that area between my spleen and my ribcage that it was her under that black hood. Seeing the cloaked figure made me remember my dream in a very vivid manner. But after a brief interview I knew that even if the hooded figure was Shari I couldn’t prove it. So really unless she was going to be stupid and confess I had no hope of following that lead. This sucked because I was so sure it was her. Still gut instincts didn’t formulate as evidence.

And I even tried shock tactics to interview her. Things like

”I know it was you, I have video proof that it was, but I also know that you didn’t act alone. Dob him in Shari, and you can save yourself”

To which the cocky bitch just smirked and lazily replied. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Rosie, and I think that you’ve gone a little crazy. I really feel like you let Garrett down. I mean it’s pretty sad when a colleague has to fill in for you.”

Then the bitch was ‘gently’ escorted out by two hungry, butch lesbians who’d just been paroled to my office as security, thank god for Sparky and Glenda. I don’t know WHAT I’d do with out them. For a while I contemplated having them ‘accidentally’ escort Desiree from the office after mistaking her for a discharged prostitute, but I figured she’d probably know it was me, and it wasn’t worth getting into a bitch fight as people found them WAAY to amusing for their own good.

There wasn’t much more I could do on the case. I had no new evidence, no new leads, no more obvious leads from what I had, and a pointless witch hunt that would rival that of America’s search for Osama Bin Laden. Maybe I had to start looking for clues in a different country. That may work. Shit. Well I guess this meant I could take a rest, and gather my thoughts. Maybe even search for Evan a little more. That sounded like a very good idea. And next time I looked at the case maybe something would jump out at me. I liked that logic. I packed all the case files into a box, marked it “the dairy queen killer” and hid it under my desk. Now for some spiritual enlightenment…